I am sitting in my empty apartment and feeling a bit more than destabilized. It was only 13 months ago that I moved my possesions into this place that I would soon call home or at least the closest I've ever felt to a home. And now there's nothing left except large dust bunnies and a recycling bin. My pets are just as disoriented as I... Stella (the cat) confused because there is no place to hide, and Kenya (the dog) ecstatic because she can now chase Stella without any furniture to obstruct her path. I've sold most of the stuff I have accumulated in preparation for this move to Hawaii and as I look around I feel a sort of emotional vacancy. I am not one to be attached to stuff but I can't help but feel a sense of loss. A loss of the experiences those possesions carried and the things they witnessed.
Now I carry with me stories
I carry my worry, I carry my concerns
I carry with me the front steps of every house I've lived in
I carry keys to the storage unit where the objects that are an extension of me are waiting for me to return
I carry my phone, full of numbers of those I call and those who don't call back
I carry my grandfather's fishing lessons, my mom's creative spririt, and my father's voice
I carry vintage scarves telling stories of another woman's adventures
And I carry every fresh start
And every final drive away
I carry the desire to go unnoticed and at the same time not be forgotten
I carry laughter
I carry Stuart Little, and Charlotte's Web, and Nancy Drew, and Pippy Longstocking, and Punky Brewster
I carry my dreams
And the dreams of my ancestors
This isn't the first time I've started over and I know that it will only be a matter of time before I begin collecting stuff that fits into my life again. I guess the question is what will that life be and what will it look like?
3 comments:
Its not really starting over....just think of it as a continuation to a great adventure...
Megan, Godspeed from our presence to your BIG KA-KONA adventure. We will surely miss you but love you dearly and look forward to hearing from you EVERYDAY
I have been a frequenter to Coffee Emporium and recently read the Downtowner article.
The loss you feel is understandable. I have gone through it nearly everytime I have moved; and your experience probably feels as though your adventure is fully detaching you from your whole reality.
Your feelings are most reasonable, yet your adventure and experience will be one that tells a tremendous and wonderful tale.
I look forward to reading your experiences as you 'garden' for three months and come closer to Mother Earth.
Regards,
Nathan
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